This is a great story--great storytelling. I love the descriptions of the people, the land forms and the brush that grows on it, very vivid and convincing. I would like to know what Agarita bushes are, but it doesn't matter to the plotline, and the unexpected name adds flavor to the story. I love how he describes the persimmons eaten by the wildlife. If he wants to name it (he doesn't have to, the way he's handled it) I believe the native persimmons down there might be a number of things. The Wikipedia entry on persimmons gives a number of interesting edible possibilities; if it's a funny color, it might even be the black persimmon or black sapote, aka Mexican persimmon, or it might be a species that isn't edible for humans. I have heard American persimmon called "pawpaw" but he might have a better and clearer idea than I do on whether that is a completely different tree. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persimmon
There's some minor punctuation and capitalization bits that needs fixing in the 3rd para but that might be errors in getting it posted.
I was a little confused on what happened in the para where your dad first saw the snake. I think something got left out there. It starts off, "The side of this hill, on the other hand, fell off into a steep drop." There might a sentence missing there, because I wasn't clear what he was talking about when he says, "just as I was about to jump to the next ledge, I spotted him stretched out.." I didn't know who he meant.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-02-22 03:07 am (UTC)I love the descriptions of the people, the land forms and the brush that grows on it, very vivid and convincing. I would like to know what Agarita bushes are, but it doesn't matter to the plotline, and the unexpected name adds flavor to the story. I love how he describes the persimmons eaten by the wildlife.
If he wants to name it (he doesn't have to, the way he's handled it) I believe the native persimmons down there might be a number of things. The Wikipedia entry on persimmons gives a number of interesting edible possibilities; if it's a funny color, it might even be the black persimmon or black sapote, aka Mexican persimmon, or it might be a species that isn't edible for humans. I have heard American persimmon called "pawpaw" but he might have a better and clearer idea than I do on whether that is a completely different tree.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persimmon
There's some minor punctuation and capitalization bits that needs fixing in the 3rd para but that might be errors in getting it posted.
I was a little confused on what happened in the para where your dad first saw the snake. I think something got left out there. It starts off, "The side of this hill, on the other hand, fell off into a steep drop." There might a sentence missing there, because I wasn't clear what he was talking about when he says, "just as I was about to jump to the next ledge, I spotted him stretched out.." I didn't know who he meant.