Tales of a Meh Girl

afjsakj My dad's writing short stories!

Okay, okay, so I'm overwhelmed by how adorable this is, but back-story. My family is the personification of Southern oral tradition. If you thought oral tradition was just some weird anthropological case study of New Guinea or somewhere, come to my house on any weekend night. We sit around telling stories passed down from generation to generation and adding our own new ones as it goes along. Everyone in my family can tell you stories about the two draft horses my great-grandpa owned, or the way he got called up for WWI twice, or any number of things. I've always loved sitting around and hearing these stories, even though I could recite them by heart, because they're so comfortably Southern. They're all a part of me, these bits and pieces that all accumulated until I'm sitting here now. The more outrageous the stories, the better (and trust me, our family has some outrageous ones).

So I've always wanted to collect and preserve these stories but never got around to it. For some reason, my dad did though. And he sent me one! He was all embarrassed and sent it to me and Sean to look over, because he hasn't written in a really long time, but I think it's awesome.

Here's my dad's short story!

( Smokin' Holes )

Both he and I would love it if you have any constructive criticism that I can pass along.

My dad decided to sell three heifers that failed to calve this year, so he had Mom and me helping him herd them all into the pen. Dad saddled TJ and together we worked to outsmart a group of about thirty cattle, which is harder than it sounds. For one thing, herding cattle on a horse looks cool and rugged; standing on the ground, flapping your arms and shouting, "Yaa, move, cow, move!" is less impressive.

That said, seeing Dad get bucked off of TJ and briefly fly through the air made it almost worth it.

We finally managed to pen the cows and Dad works out his battle stratagem for how to cull the heifers out from the group. He tried three times unsuccessfully, then marched into the house to work out a new plan. I remarked that cows really should not be able to outsmart him and Dad muttered something peevish under his breath.

So tomorrow, Dad is castrating the bulls, and because I am not allowed to have a normal family, this has turned into a party. Uncle Eddie was invited to help, so he called Will Baker, who was in Arizona but came home today and he's bringing two of his horses to help. Then Momma Toy said she hadn't been around cattle so long, she wanted to come, and Mike, Mare, and Chris decided to come by to see Momma Toy and visit with the family.

Then the vet's husband heard about it and asked to come along, so their family is coming over as well.

I plan on taking the car keys, driving into Lytle, and standing in the HEB a while to pretend that I'm actually in civilization.

In other news, I found the only cat in the entire universe who does not sleep. Instead, he is incredibly hyper, which would be cute and amusing except that five of his six ends are pointy, sharp, and hurt.

Mike asked me why my arm looked like I had worn a barbed wire bracelet, and I answered, "I'm in an abusive relationship."

It was kind of cute, but Murphy has started gnawing on the inside of my wrist and pouncing on my face (nearly scratching my eye) and it stopped being cute really fast. I've been picking him up by the scruff of the neck and whapping him on the nose whenever he bites, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message. I'll let you know how that goes.

But I know he doesn't mean it. He really loves me, I know it.

ETA: So adorable. When my parents were young, they both played on basketball leagues. Apparently both of them were quite good. So now, both of them 67 years old, they bought a basketball hoop for the kids, but have been going out and playing one-on-one. I have the most adorable grandparents in the world.

This weekend I went home with Court. Saturday, Christy, Court and I went to see Fool's Gold which was awful in a fun kind of way. I thought it would have been better suited for the summer, but then again, it's February in Texas and I went sunbathing on the roof today. In the movie, everytime the plot took a turn for the worse, I would say, "Wait, that's--" and then Matthew Mcconaughey took off his shirt.

I had dinner with my grandparents and Sean, who impressed me through his sheer jackassery. He shows up fifteen minutes before dinner was ready (which Grandma fixed for us), eats, then takes the TV she had for him and leaves without even waiting to clear the table. I was apalled. Grandma later commented on it, saying, "Do you think Sean had a date? He rushed off in a hurry..." Classy move, Sean.

Court and I left Grandma's with a bag of homemade banana nut bread and a knife secreted away in my bag (this is completely normal and not at all psychotic; try slicing up an apple with a plastic knife one day) and drove back to Austin. I saw a sign on the way that said something about "Austin to Cancun! $9.99!"

"Surely they don't mean $10," I thought. Out of curiosity, I looked it up and found them. I am very tempted, but the May ones right after finals are for $20, so Audrey, Court and I are entertaining the thought of going then. Audrey confessed the pictures of Cancun I looked up were what kept her going through her classes. I just keep repeating an inward mantra of, "Beaches, booze, and babes" in my head while sitting in class. I did the same skip-the-reading-then-write-an-essay-on-it in Sociology as I did in my BritLit and ended up getting full credit. With a "Well done!" at the bottom. It's hard to motivate yourself to work when you know that you really don't have to, true story.

Finally, Audrey said she had a dream last night we were at Cancun and there were dinosaurs that chased us. Apparently at one point we were trapped in a room with a group of guys, and a T-Rex on the outside trying to get in when I shouted, "F this! I'm not going to die a virgin!" and started stripping with one of the guys.

I should have asked if he was at least good-looking.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! I had a really good time. Everyone seemed to like their gifts really well--which is good, considering I bought Dad's at 1:30 Christmas Eve. Whoops.

I gave Chris two movies, but Chris is a huge movie buff so I was worried that he might have them already.

"If you do, I can return them," I said.

He didn't have either, but started laughing when he saw Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

"Open yours from me," he said.

I opened mine and found the sequel, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Tashina actually got me the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe which was so incredibly perfect.

Mike was opening his three books, and Sean said, "Ooh, yoink," on the first one, then "double yoink" on the second, then yahtzee. I gave him two books on quantum physics and one collection of short stories by Isaac Asimov. Everyone in my family was eyeing them enviously, wondering when we could possibly steal them. We are such geeks.

Speaking of geekiness, my brother has a picture of Spock, Kirk, and McCoy from Star Trek on his wall in the billiard room. He has taught his one-year-old daughter to point out the characters. He walks her up there and holds her up, then says, "Where's Spock, Shannon? Where's Spock?" and she points to him. So hilarious. He also was looking at Kim's head and said, "Mur, she's got dry skin on her head. Mom, my baby is molting. She's like a lizard baby."

Then Mom chased him around saying, "Don't say that about my grandbabies!"

T'was fun.

Also went to see National Treasure: Book of Secrets last night and it was really good! It didn't quite have the same charm as the first, but they used new jokes and the bad guy was unique and I really enjoyed it. Riley was still hysterical. Also, I saw a preview for Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian last night and was hitting Stef on the arm excitedly. That is going to be so amazing.

Oh, and a spot of good news! ( Not Entirely Graphic Good News About My Piercing )

So this random guy friends me on Facebook, and at first I thought it was Tashina's gay ex-boyfriend, who she's still friends with, so I went ahead and friended him back, when I notice that it says he's dating a girl in his profile.

"Hm!" thinks I, "That's odd. Who is this masked man?"

A letter appears in my inbox from him.

"Hey, are you Chris's sister?"

"Yeah," I send back. "I'm sorry, I'm awful with names, have we met?"

I just got this back:

"I'm sorry, I confused you with somebody else.

No, we haven't met, but I don't want your brother to get mad at me. He is a pretty cool guy plus he is my uppclassman, my junior in the Corps, I'm his sophomore.

Nice meeting you, but I have to erase you as my friend. I apologize for that."

I'm torn between amusement, frustration, and HOW THE HELL DOES CHRIS STILL REGULATE WHO CAN AND CAN'T TALK TO ME WHEN I DON'T EVEN SEE HIM BUT THRICE A YEAR.

But definitely edging towards frustrated amusement, in the end.

This weekend Mike, Mary Ann, the kids and I headed to College Station where we picked up Chris and Tashina, Chris's girlfriend. Afterwards we all went to Lovelady, Texas, where my great-uncle J.T. lives. He and his wife, Betty, celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary this weekend and held a large party at the Lovelady Gym. My family, for one reason or another, was prevented from going to the last several reunions, so it was fun to see family again. Of course, several people couldn't make it, but a good 100 people were there or so, with about half or more being family. We introduced Tashi to everyone and repeated the joke that if she ever got confused, she could call them John. We have an Uncle John, John Jr., Little John, and Uncle J.T. (John Thomas).

Aunt Sharon and her children and their families; Aunt Debbie and Uncle Allen, with their children and grandchildren; my grandfather's sister, Aunt Clara, who is twenty years older than he is; Aunt Grace and Uncle Larry; and others were there. We mingled and made rounds, saying hi once to Uncle J.T. and Aunt Betty before they were swept away by well-wishers. I have always had a fondness for the both of them. Uncle J.T. is a weathered man with a broad, square face, and still has dark hair with only the beginnings of gray sprinkled through. He has a deep voice that sounds like he gargles gravel in the mornings and possesses a thick East Texas accent when he speaks at all. Aunt Betty is a sweet woman with white hair, blue eyes, and a voice that always seems to sputter. Uncle J.T. raises cattle and vegetables and is a steadfastly practical man. His devotionals during Sunday were overwhelmingly stark compared to the complexity of my grandfather's. They were also, blessedly, short.

After everyone filtered out and Aunt Sharon and I helped clean up, I had the oppourtunity to speak with Uncle J.T. for a brief period. Regretfully, we had to leave, but I hugged him goodbye and promised to visit. On the way through East Texas, I was struck again by how homesick I felt from Houston. I grew up among pine tree forests and great tracts of land with creeks ambling congenially through the midst of it. San Antonio is nothing like that. It is dry and barren, covered with sand and scrub bushes and dotted by cacti. There is no gentle rain, nor impressive thunderstorms; it is consistently hot and arid. The city is even worse, with rude people and garish colors, like Las Vegas except without the charm of knowing its shortcomings. San Antonio is garishly ignorant of its own ugliness. Though I want to travel the world and plan to do so, when I finally do settle down, it will be in East Texas. It is the only place on this Earth that I have completely fallen in love with.

Grandma made cornbread and soup for dinner and we gathered around the kitchen table to pray. My grandfather, who is notorious for giving lengthy prayers, was about to say the prayer while Grandma kept throwing anxious glances at the stove.

"The cornbread should be done any minute now," she said to him. "So try not to--" She cut herself off suddenly, as if realizing the sacrilegiousness of it.

I laughed and looked at Paw-Paw. "Hear that? I think she just told you to keep your prayer short!"

"It never worked when we asked," Uncle John said with a grin.

Dinner was delicious, and later Tashi, Chris, and I watched The Quiet Man and Oscar, then fell asleep.

I woke up this morning to the sound of Mike relating a dream wherein his teeth all fell out. Finally realizing I was not going to get back to sleep, I pulled myself off the couch and went into the kitchen and helped myself to homemade biscuits with raspberry preserves.

All of us sat around for a while, with Uncle Joel and his family showing up, and we played with Shannon, Joey, and Jodel before church. Jodel, who is just old enough to walk, is silent and has huge, dark eyes that stare at you expressionessly. I have never seen a child with such a poker face. She is usually reserved around people, but let me pick her up and even snuggled her head into my neck. Joey, naturally, got jealous and ran over to tug at my pantsleg and grin up at me in the endearing way he has.

We sang two of my favorite hymns, two Christmas songs, and listened to Grandpa's message. Afterwards, I sketched their curved staircase, decorated with garland curled around the rails. It was all very pretty. We left after lunch and dropped Tashi and Chris off to College Station to study for finals. I drove the rest of the way home, which was an adventure. I learned to drive on a truck, but the Expedition tilts oddly and it took me a while to get used to it. Worse, it was growing dark and raining a bit, so I was quite tense. Usually music relaxes me, but Shannon pitched a fit and they put on Lady and the Tramp to appease her. Still, the drive from College Station to San Antonio is a pretty one. The rain even would have been welcome were it not for the unfamiliarity of the vehicle I was driving. One of the roads was covered with a fine sheen of water that reflected the sky; I felt as if I were driving on a broad strip of blue satin ribbon.

We made it home and I wandered about Mike and Mary Ann's house, straightening things and cleaning. Mike and I watched a few episodes of The Red Green Show on the couch, each thinking about work tomorrow.

A very nice trip, all in all. I even had the great pleasure of being able to read The Great Gatsby and The Awakening during the past two days. I quite enjoyed The Great Gatsby, more so when I read it for pleasure rather than for class, although I still feel as if he goes overboard on the symbols. That said, The Awakening made use of the most unsubtle symbolism I have ever read--and I am an Ayn Rand fan. The sheer pleasure of being able to read, no matter the book, quite made up for any shortcomings.

Were it not for the list of to-do's I have before me, this week would be a very pleasant one, as well. I plan on cleaning the house, for one thing, and enjoying its cleanliness for an entire week that Mom and Dad are gone. It should be very relaxing.

"For a transitory enchanted moment man must have held his breath in the presence of this continent, compelled into an aesthetic contemplation he neither understood nor desired, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for wonder."

--Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby

So yesterday I just kind of lost it at work. Just the combination of not getting enough sleep and mental exhaustion and everything all together just had me suddenly bursting into tears at random intervals. To make things worse, when I can't control my emotions and I freak out like that, I don't want anyone to see or anything. I'd rather be by myself. Stef is one of those people who when she gets really emotional, she wants people around her, so she kept trying to be helpful and asking me what she could do and it was really sweet, except it just made me feel embarrassed, which made me cry more. And I really have no idea what it was. Mike was all worried because he didn't understand why I was freaking out, and I couldn't explain, and yeah. I finally calmed down enough so that I wasn't answering the phones with, "J-Jor-sniffle--dan Builders." On the way home, though, 101.9, our radio station here, switched to Christmas music and that set me off as well because I started sobbing to "Hark the Herald Angels Sing".

So! In the spirit of not freaking out and losing it again, I was trying to think of constructive things to do. Lately Christmas has lost some of its spirit, and I was just thinking about this year.

Alicia, Keebler, Courtney, Christy, and Vanessa, basically anyone that buys gifts for each other, I was thinking that instead of buying gifts for each other this year, we all go to the mall or something near Christmas, and buy gifts from the Salvation Army tree? For the kids who can't afford gifts?

Anyway. I just thought it'd be something nice, because I mean, we're all at college, and it's not like we really are wanting for anything, and anyway. Just. Um. Feeling kind of dumb right now, but just tell me if you guys think it's a good/bad idea or if y'all want to do it. I thought it'd be fun because we would all be together at the mall, trying to find the gifts the kids want, and we could make it a tradition or something.

And as for everyone else--does anyone know how to volunteer to be a Salvation Army Santa? I can't find it on their website.

ETA: Found the presents-for-kids, it's at Adopt-an-Angel and I also signed up for the Salvation Army Bell Ringer thing. So exciting!

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
- Roy L. Smith

On the eleventh day of Halloween, my best ghoul gave to me, a ( picture of Winnie the Pooh )

I actually printed those out, bought a pack of Crayolas, and relived my childhood today at work.

In other news, Viva Laughlin was cancelled after only two episodes being shown, a cold front came through and we went from 93 during the day to 54, and Mike and I carved pumpkins.

He chose a ridiculously difficult stencil of Darth Vader. I chose a somewhat more simple Tigger. I say somewhat more simple because the printer wouldn't work, so Mike and I had to freehand the pictures from the computer onto the pumpkins.

They both look fantastic though, despite Mike mixing up his negative and positive spaces in one area and part of my Tigger's face breaking off. We lit them and Mike remarked, "It's good that pumpkin is such a forgiving medium."

I'll post pictures soon--of the pumpkins, and Kimberly.

* Broke my 9 minute mile two days ago! It was 8:56, but still less than 9 minutes.

* Writing my research paper for Texas Government has been as amusing as it is appalling. My topic is the Texas Rangers, and the stories about them are hilarious. During the Mexican War, they were incredibly irregular and disorderly, pillaging and plundering like modern day pirates on land. The Mexicans (and some Americans) referred to them as "los diablos Tejanos", the Texas devils.

General Taylor used their fighting skills shamelessly, at one point telling them to go take a town and hold the line, planning to bombard the town with ammunition. The Texans ignored this and not only took the town, but overran its inner defenses too. Taylor was so annoyed he bombarded it anyway, figuring they'd get out of the way.

Then the Texans turned around and raided a town, and when Taylor ordered them to stop, the entire set of companies ignored him and kept on going. The regular army was so afraid of the Texas Rangers, Taylor had to rescind his order to stop and pretend that he wanted them to do it all along.

Just as he was about to get frustrated to no end with them, the Rangers told him that a drunken senorita let slip that there was a Mexican trap at Agua Nueva, and he should go to Buena Vista. Taylor did, winning a major victory and basically guaranteeing himself as president.

When he went to thank the Texas Rangers, though, they'd already gotten drunk in celebration, picked a fight with the regular army, and started a riot that took hundreds of state police and an entire troop of calvary to control.

Then, of course, there's the tale of the infamous Governor E.J. Davis, who took hold during Reconstruction and refused to leave office, so the new Governor, immediately after being sworn in, had to create the Texas Rangers just to take his rightful office. Governor Davis ended up sneaking out the window and leaving the state in disgrace.

I love Texas history.

* I went to see my niece yesterday! The new one, obviously. She's small and red and has dark blue eyes, like most babies. Mike said that when she was coming out, her forehead looked like a Klingon's and he was really worried they'd have to rename her Worf.

* Mike also saw the Batmobile two days ago, the old Adam West one, traveling on 1604. He called me up yesterday and asked me to e-mail Aaron (who's in Iraq right now), and "tell him about the baby, and the Batmobile!"

Apparently he called Matt yesterday and said, "The best thing just happened!"

And Matt said, "The baby was born?"

Mike replied, "No, better!"

Mary Ann was not as amused as we were.

* We just got a message on our answering machine that's this poorly recorded techno music. And it just keeps going! For like three minutes, it just goes on! So hilarious. No talking, no dialogue, just... music. And then it suddenly cuts out.

I’ve been in a bit of a bitchy mood of late, so I’m seeking to (somewhat) remedy this by making a list of random things that annoy me so hopefully I can let it go:

1. The other day Mike said that I was predictably unpredictable. When all three of my brothers went to A&M, he said, it was natural that I decided to go to UT.

I hate how any action I make on my own is reduced to a reaction to something my brothers have done. I chose UT because it had the best liberal arts program, which is what I’m mostly interested in.

2. There is no neutral pronoun in the English language, so whenever I’m talking about the position of governor in Texas, I have to type out “his or her cabinet” or whatever. It’s very annoying. Someone should get to work on this.

3. My speech group has to do an informational speech on Tuesday, with each member speaking 1-2 minutes on one point of a main topic. Ours was DeBeers, so after class, I went to the library, pulled every book and magazine that had something to do with it. I organized a formal outline, broke the topic into four sections and listed a brief description of the pertinent information in each book, along with the title, author, and page number. Then I attached the outline to an email, sent it to all the group members, and said I’d take whatever point no one else wanted.

Only one person has replied: my cousin, Stef.

And now, for some things that are good to cheer me up:

1. My housing and admissions application is in, now I’m just waiting on a formal admittance.

2. I did a degree audit on the UT website, and it looks like all but one of my classes count towards my degrees, which is way better than I thought.

3. I’m super ahead on government. I think I can be done with the class entirely by September 27.

4. I haven’t spent any money recently, got a paycheck, and have a somewhat more substantial paycheck on the way in a couple of weeks.

5. Sean finally got accepted into the Houston Police Department! He’s moving in October, which means I finally have that side of the house to myself! I can box up his books and clothes, clean the place up, and hopefully paint it so that it looks way nicer than it does now. I’m very excited about this. I’m excited for him, but really looking forward to having some space, as well.

6. Mike instituted “X-Files Night” when everyone who can gets to his house on Fridays and watches X-Files. It’s very fun and relaxing and I love it.

7. I’ve lost more weight and am nearly down to 155. Speaking of which, “lost” is a stupid term in that context. Seriously. It implies I might find it again, or that I somehow miss it. From now on, I’m saying that I killed pounds because it’s closer to reality.

8. I’ve renewed my love affair with blues, swing, and jazz. I listened to Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, and Charles Mingus all last night.

9. Torchwood premiered finally! Mom and Dad couldn't understand what the people were saying, but Sean and I like it.

10. One word (literally): fantabulous. How awesometacular a word is that? Use it and use it often.


AND I finally got around to uploading pictures from the Utah trip. They are here.