Fanfic Pet Peeves, Post #293184
May. 8th, 2011 10:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kitsjay1. Describing clothing in excruciating detail (especially when it's fugly) and making it OOC
Your characters are going to a club. Okay, let's assume that they're the type to go to clubs and do that sort of thing. Character A comes out wearing a white tank top with the bottom cut off to show off his stomach, the sleeves ripped off, a mesh shirt over it, and leather pants.
We're supposed to think this is hot. Maybe to you, the author, the mental image is. You know what I think?
I think I wouldn't stop myself from pointing and laughing at this person. Maybe in a gay 80s club, sure, but no classy joint would allow someone wearing that mess in. People have different tastes and it's really hard to get into a fic when Character B is going on and on about how hot he looks and all I can think is, "Character B is into clowns now?"
Seriously, keep it simple if you feel you must describe it. Tight black jeans and a white shirt unbuttoned at the top is a classic and therefore more universal. Leather pants and mesh and glitter or whatever else you're imagining is just going to throw me out of the story immediately. Also, keep it OC. When your character is a small town football star, he also probably won't be wearing eyeliner to the club.
2. Think about the reactions of the characters before you write about them, please!
I actually read a fic the other day where Character A calls his friend and asks the friend to drive him to the hospital. The friend stops on the way to buy food before getting there.
Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?
Your friend calls and asks to go to the hospital and your first thought is, "Mmm, right after I get that Taco Bell"?
Believability isn't that hard. Stop and think, "What would I do if my friend called asking to go to the hospital? How would I react?" And if this is honestly how you would react... your friends need to call someone else the next time they need help.
3. It's disdain, not "distain".
I have seen three writers do this recently. I can't believe I have to say this, but spell check before you post! If you don't have a beta, it will at least get rid of the most glaring of mistakes, and trust me, I am counting "distain" as a glaring mistake. It's scowling, it's so bad.
4. Author's notes
No, seriously, just... author's notes. These are meant to impart some kind of information about your story. They can include warnings for the story, update notices, maybe that the story is a sequel, whatever. They're not there just to make an ass out of yourself, despite that seeming to be their most commonly used function.
I was about to read a story when an author actually said something to the effect of, "All mistakes are there to annoy my English teacher".
Well, congratulations, you also just annoyed your would-be-reader. That note tells me that you're (a) immature, (b) going to have grammar mistakes and know about them but refuse to fix them, and (c) I'm not going to read your fic. So I guess thank you for saving me the time.
The same goes for "cute" things like "talking" to characters, writing in the third person, and trying to be clever in your disclaimer (hint: putting, "If they were mine, they would be X-ing" is not original anymore). I can't believe I just had to type that. Moving on.
5. Your summary? Should actually be a summary of the fic.
Whoa, I just totally blew your mind, right? I was reading![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
epic_rants and as ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jane_elliot so awesomely put it:
Sometimes I wonder if people really understand that these summaries are supposed to make people *want* to read a fic.
To give you an example of what not to do, I present you with an actual summary from The Listener fandom:
Takes place during final ep. Hope you enjoy. Minor language. I know this summary stinks. Sorry. ENJOY! Fixed Becker's name, I know it was bugging some of you. R&R
Where to start?
1. Write out episode, please. It's a few extra letters. Also, this is an ongoing show. Final episode of the first season? Final episode that has aired? What is it?
2. "I know this summary stinks. Sorry." -- Okay, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you know it stinks, then why not change it? Are you that lazy? This doesn't bode well for your writing, because it says to me that you're one of those people who says, "I know my characters are really OOC, lol, sry". Fix it or be prepared for me to immediately hit the back button; I'm not going to bother to read your story if you can't be bothered to fix the things you know are wrong with it.
3. Besides the fact that I will either enjoy it or not, there really is no need to tell me to do so twice.
4. I'm torn: I want to give the author props for actually fixing a mistake pointed out to her, but messing up a major canon character's name is generally not a good sign.
And hmm, what else? Oh, right, IT DOESN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT THE STORY. Seriously, NOTHING. There are seven sentences (loosely speaking) in there, and not ONE thing about the plot. I know it has Becker in it, apparently! Is he the star? Is it about his secret addiction to terrible gay 80's clubs? Is it about someone who says "Enjoy!" a lot?
I have no idea!
Authors, take note. I put books by professional authors back on the bookstore shelves because they don't have a summary on the back cover; why the hell am I going to waste time on your fic when you can't be bothered to give me one?
Your characters are going to a club. Okay, let's assume that they're the type to go to clubs and do that sort of thing. Character A comes out wearing a white tank top with the bottom cut off to show off his stomach, the sleeves ripped off, a mesh shirt over it, and leather pants.
We're supposed to think this is hot. Maybe to you, the author, the mental image is. You know what I think?
I think I wouldn't stop myself from pointing and laughing at this person. Maybe in a gay 80s club, sure, but no classy joint would allow someone wearing that mess in. People have different tastes and it's really hard to get into a fic when Character B is going on and on about how hot he looks and all I can think is, "Character B is into clowns now?"
Seriously, keep it simple if you feel you must describe it. Tight black jeans and a white shirt unbuttoned at the top is a classic and therefore more universal. Leather pants and mesh and glitter or whatever else you're imagining is just going to throw me out of the story immediately. Also, keep it OC. When your character is a small town football star, he also probably won't be wearing eyeliner to the club.
2. Think about the reactions of the characters before you write about them, please!
I actually read a fic the other day where Character A calls his friend and asks the friend to drive him to the hospital. The friend stops on the way to buy food before getting there.
Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?
Your friend calls and asks to go to the hospital and your first thought is, "Mmm, right after I get that Taco Bell"?
Believability isn't that hard. Stop and think, "What would I do if my friend called asking to go to the hospital? How would I react?" And if this is honestly how you would react... your friends need to call someone else the next time they need help.
3. It's disdain, not "distain".
I have seen three writers do this recently. I can't believe I have to say this, but spell check before you post! If you don't have a beta, it will at least get rid of the most glaring of mistakes, and trust me, I am counting "distain" as a glaring mistake. It's scowling, it's so bad.
4. Author's notes
No, seriously, just... author's notes. These are meant to impart some kind of information about your story. They can include warnings for the story, update notices, maybe that the story is a sequel, whatever. They're not there just to make an ass out of yourself, despite that seeming to be their most commonly used function.
I was about to read a story when an author actually said something to the effect of, "All mistakes are there to annoy my English teacher".
Well, congratulations, you also just annoyed your would-be-reader. That note tells me that you're (a) immature, (b) going to have grammar mistakes and know about them but refuse to fix them, and (c) I'm not going to read your fic. So I guess thank you for saving me the time.
The same goes for "cute" things like "talking" to characters, writing in the third person, and trying to be clever in your disclaimer (hint: putting, "If they were mine, they would be X-ing" is not original anymore). I can't believe I just had to type that. Moving on.
5. Your summary? Should actually be a summary of the fic.
Whoa, I just totally blew your mind, right? I was reading
epic_rants and as jane_elliot so awesomely put it:Sometimes I wonder if people really understand that these summaries are supposed to make people *want* to read a fic.
To give you an example of what not to do, I present you with an actual summary from The Listener fandom:
Takes place during final ep. Hope you enjoy. Minor language. I know this summary stinks. Sorry. ENJOY! Fixed Becker's name, I know it was bugging some of you. R&R
Where to start?
1. Write out episode, please. It's a few extra letters. Also, this is an ongoing show. Final episode of the first season? Final episode that has aired? What is it?
2. "I know this summary stinks. Sorry." -- Okay, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you know it stinks, then why not change it? Are you that lazy? This doesn't bode well for your writing, because it says to me that you're one of those people who says, "I know my characters are really OOC, lol, sry". Fix it or be prepared for me to immediately hit the back button; I'm not going to bother to read your story if you can't be bothered to fix the things you know are wrong with it.
3. Besides the fact that I will either enjoy it or not, there really is no need to tell me to do so twice.
4. I'm torn: I want to give the author props for actually fixing a mistake pointed out to her, but messing up a major canon character's name is generally not a good sign.
And hmm, what else? Oh, right, IT DOESN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT THE STORY. Seriously, NOTHING. There are seven sentences (loosely speaking) in there, and not ONE thing about the plot. I know it has Becker in it, apparently! Is he the star? Is it about his secret addiction to terrible gay 80's clubs? Is it about someone who says "Enjoy!" a lot?
I have no idea!
Authors, take note. I put books by professional authors back on the bookstore shelves because they don't have a summary on the back cover; why the hell am I going to waste time on your fic when you can't be bothered to give me one?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-05-08 09:01 pm (UTC)It's pretty funny, since every time you make a Pet Peeves list, I've done at least one thing on there.
Also, since when did you watch SGA? Hello, John Sheppard's crazy hair. John Sheppard is kind of my fandom bicycle.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-08 09:12 pm (UTC)But just having him suddenly be like, "Omg, eyeliner guyz!" doesn't work for me.
afjsdklafj There's always the exceptions to the rules, dearie.
Fuck yeah! Remember we talked about this? I fucking LOVE SGA. I remember watching the very first eppie when it aired. Oh, Sheppard's hair. My friend actually has an LJ icon with a picture of me and an arrow to my hair saying, "Shep hair". Feel the love.
John Sheppard is everyone's fandom bicycle. Seriously, just... that man!
no subject
Date: 2011-05-08 09:44 pm (UTC)Yes, basically Sherlock is undercover as a club kid (I KNOW) and then he takes some random pills (to keep his cover) and then someone decides it's a great idea to get that tall guy over there to take his clothes off and cover him with glitter body paint, and John is like ghajklshlgaksjdhgljasdf WHAT.
Not much of an explanation, but maybe it'll work.
I seem to have a fandom bicycle for each fandom I'm in. Jim Kirk, Sherlock, John Sheppard, Tony Stark . . . Can you if Sherlock and Sheppard got together? Most emotionally constipated relationship ever.
This story (http://remixredux09.livejournal.com/53022.html) is Jim Kirk/John Sheppard and it's amazing. I know there's a kink meme fill out there that's Watson/Sheppard/Kirk/Harkness, man, let me find that. HERE JSGHAJSHDF (http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/6375.html?thread=28765159#t28765159)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-08 11:27 pm (UTC)Oh good, I'm not the only person who does this. I don't care how pretty/shiny your cover is, or how interesting the title sounds. There had better be a summary or I'm putting it back on the shelf.
Does this count as judging a book by its cover?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 09:35 pm (UTC)Well, thanks, but I'd rather know what the book was about, dudes.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-09 03:35 am (UTC)2. What if you have a fever and the only prescription is more Taco Bell?!!?!?
3. Misspelled words in fic make me sad. Especially since the internet has spellcheckers already. (Ke$ha, fic, and "spellcheckers" are all highlighted in red right now for me. Granted, I'm not sure "spellcheckers" is actually a word or just a figment of my imagination). Long story short, THEY HAVE NO EXCUSE TO SUCK.
4. Authors notes don't necessarily bother me, I usually skip over them. But some of these kids don't know how to break between the notes and the beginning of the text, so then I have to go back, read through, and figure out what's part of the story and what's the kid's assery. That ticks me off.
5. blarg. If your summary consist of your immediate thoughts farting onto the computer screen, I don't even bother with the story. It doesn't matter if you've written the next War and Peace, if all I see in the summary is "Summary Unicorns! I ate grilled cheese for lunch! Enjoy!" I'm not even going to bother.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 09:38 pm (UTC)... thank you. :D
2. ajfksldafj Taco Bell is always the right prescription, clearly!
3. I KNOW. It drives me nuts. Not having a beta is annoying, but okay, it takes time and effort. Spell-check? DOES NOT TAKE THAT LONG. And can substantially improve fics. Oi.
4. Oooh yeah. It's like, "Um, if you need to explain what's happening in your story through an author's note, you're DOING IT WRONG."
5. Exactly. Though "Summary Unicorns!" is my new favorite thing, fyi.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-13 02:08 pm (UTC)5. haha, i've been using Unicorns alot as analogies.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 02:01 am (UTC)...How do you confuse "disdain" and "distain"? I know most people don't enunciate anymore but come on!
To be fair to five, I have a really, really hard time coming up with summaries. I don't know why but I do and it drives me up the wall. (Though everything else you pointed out there is completely accurate.)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 09:40 pm (UTC)I HAVE NO IDEA. I seriously have seen it by THREE AUTHORS NOW. I'm just--wha?
Yeah, but even a sucky summary that actually TELLS you something about the story is better than nothing at all, y'know?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:45 pm (UTC)YESSSSSS
Vince sneered at the blond, surfer tanned boy standing in front of him. "What are you doin' here?"
The blond raised one cool eyebrow at him. "And you are again?"
"I'm the enforcer, capische? That means ged-oudda-heah."
"Actually, I think it means 'understand'," the blond shrugged nonchalantly. "I prefer to wait."
A deep rumble of a chuckle that sounded more like thunder than laughter came from the back. Both of the men turned to see a tank of a man wearing an Armani suit that strained to cover broad shoulders walking through the grocery mart that was a front for one of the most notorious Mafia groups in Southern California.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:48 pm (UTC)Have an icon of Brian's legs wrapped around Dom's waist to motivate you. By which I mean, WRITE, BITCH, WRITE. <3
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:50 pm (UTC)Also, just so you know, that icon is going to take 10 minutes out of my writing every time I see it, because HOT DAMN I COULD STARE AT THAT FOR HOURS
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:55 pm (UTC)You are so welcome. GAY CHRISTMAS needs to come everyday (and, yes, that needs to be all caps everytime it's typed).
Random but...are we having game night tomorrow night? We're not, right? (I'm really hazy this week; sorry.)